The 5 Month Itch

My friend just had a baby and I took dinner to her and her hubby the other night.  When I arrived I found my friend in the typical new mom state: bleary eyes, deer in the headlights look, tousled hair, and a general feeling of, "OHMIGODWHATHAVEWEDONE?"

This particular friend is very blunt and asked, "Soooooooo, when does this get fun?"  Bravo, sweet girl, bravo!  You have just asked the question every mom wonders, but never says out loud.

Here's the truth, the real truth, and nothing but.  Motherhood kind of sucks at first.  It is hard.  For starters, you feel like scum.  Your body hurts, it oozes, you're bloated in weird places, and now you have a little thing drinking out of it.  Your hormones are like a crazy squirrel on crack.  You're here, you're there, you're crying one minute because you're so tired, laughing the next because your baby just did the cutest thing.  Or even more ridiculously, you're crying one minute because you're so very happy and you love your baby so so much.  You're like Holly Hunter in Raising Arizona.

You're also just trying to adjust to life.  The first public outing after a baby is the hardest.  Papa Bear and I went to a birthday party when Baby Bear was just under two weeks and we both literally had a nervous break down.  We went to the back bedroom of the house and I cried for 45 minutes while PB paced and said, "I don't want to do this anymore."  Luckily my oh-so-wise cousin was there and she calmed our nerves and got us all set up in the living room where no one would touch us.  I was terrified people were going to rip Baby Bear out of my arms and steal her.  They would be touching my precious newborn with their dirty, disgusting hands, she would be crying....  The irrational fears of a new mom.  That of course didn't happen, and it was nice to show off our beautiful girl and talk to grown ups.

For the first months of your baby's life you have the jerks coming up to you saying repeatedly, "Isn't this the best thing you've ever done?"  Pretty much everyone asks you this, even men.  I'm mystified really.  Either they were drunk the first months of their baby's life, or it's like hazing.  A very unpleasant experience, but because you were forced to eat pancake batter while running in place until you threw up, you're sure as heck going to make the next pledge class do it.  I remember the first time someone said that to me after BB was born.  I thought I was the worst person in the world because I had to lie through my teeth to agree with the smiling grandmother looking at me.  Women of all ages come up to you and ask this same question over and over, and each time you feel like less and less of a good mom.  What I would think each time someone asked me that stupid question was, "No this isn't the best thing I have ever done, it is the absolute hardest.  I feel alone, I am tired, I look gross, my husband hates my baby (refer to above mentioned hormonal delusions), and this ISN'T FUN!"  What I want to know is why don't people tell you that it gets so much better after about 5 months.  Is this some kind of womanly initiation I have to go through to become part of "The Womanhood?"  I thought women were supposed to stick together, to help each other?  When I mention these feelings to friends and family, they all agree with me that yes, it does take about 5 or 6 months for your baby to be fun.  Why does no one say that?  I mean, I really had to stop myself from socking my cousin in the stomach when she agreed adamantly that the beginning was hard and basically sucky.  She was my only portal into life as a mommy and she never once mentioned these horrible feelings to me.  Not once.

So the real truth is that I thought I was a mutant mother until Baby Bear turned about 5 months.  It's the 5 month itch, just when you think there is something either very wrong with you or your baby because though you have definite moments of amazement and fun, it still isn't the "best thing you've ever done," around 5 months you start to have entire days where you don't want to put your baby down for bed because you've had so much fun that day.  Your baby is smiling at you and caring whether or not you're in the room.  She might be starting solid food which I think is the most fun thing ever.  You can start to really see her little personality based on the foods she likes and the faces she makes when she tries new things.  5 months may seem like an awfully long time to really start enjoying yourself, but believe me, the months fly by.  Enjoy your baby and savor the little moments that make the sleepless night, spit up down your shirt, and not being able to fit into your favorite pair of jeans seem worth it.  I promise, there is a treasure chest of fabulous and magical moments to come and you will indeed finally agree, yes this is the best thing you have ever done.

Have a fabulous day!